A usual question that I receive from clients is, "How can I be more confident in a social setting, when I am an introvert?"
The bad news is this. You will not be able to use introversion as an excuse after you are done with this post. The truth is, extroversion and introversion are two ends of a scale that has no scientific basis. Yes, you may be inclined to lean towards one of the ends, yet it is not definitive. After many years of engagement and coaching, I personally believe that we can be at various points of both introversion and extroversion. The context and social setting of your interactions play a big part in this.
The great news however is that no matter your preference, building confidence is a learnable skill. You can learn some effective frameworks to get you to be more confident definitely. Allow me to share very quickly some of my personal favorites when it comes to confidence in a social setting.
Learn To Ask For Names
This may sound weird for most. Why would this be such an important skill to learn and apply. A famous quote from Dale Carnegie is, “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Your ability to ask for names, remembering those names and calling people respectfully by their names will create affinity. This enables you to forge meaningful conversations, as people are drawn to your effort of remembering them. More often than not, asking for names is a great ice breaker.
Be Interested To Be Interesting
In my workshops, I always emphasize an important point which is, "People will like you, if they think you are like them." This subconscious trigger is easily build upon if you are genuinely showing a level of interest in the the person/people around you. In a social setting, it is very common to have moments of awkwardness, especially when we are not adapt in socializing. Thus one of the surest ways to quickly build rapport, is to show interest by asking questions that subtly probe and connect with the other party. People will care enough about you if you show them how much you care, in the first place.
Make An Impression
According to studies, an adult's maximum attention span is 20 minutes. And your social interactions definitely last longer than that. So how can you make a dent in a person's memory? An important part about confidence building in any social setting, is that confidence is not necessarily loud. Some communicators will stand out and make an impression, with them being themselves. All quiet and introverted. While the extroverted ones are probably boisterous, they too can make an impression. The key aspect about making an impression that you should always remember is this. If you know how to make people feel good about you, more often than not you will be fondly remembered as having made an impression. Connect emotionally in your conversations.
So the three quick points above have been utilized on many occassions, by both my students and myself. As mentioned, impression making has almost nothing to do with your levels of introversion or extroversion. At the end of the day, if you are able to apply conscientiously the virtues above, you will improve your confidence level, eventually.